Una vida sin espejos

Algo de lo que se aprende en coaching y que se ha hecho muy popular en otros contextos cuando de conocernos se trata, es el concepto de los espejos. “Los demás son un espejo de ti”. “Te molesta -tal- porque es tu espejo”. “Te estás reflejando en esa persona”. En resumen, la teoría del espejo señala que aquello que nos disgusta o nos agrada de otra persona no es más que el reflejo y la proyección de nosotros mismos.

El conocimiento y la práctica de dicha teoría está muy extendida, y sé que en muchos casos ha apoyado a varios a reconocer en sí mismos sus propias carencias o virtudes para hacer trabajo personal. Pero esta vez quiero que lo piensen diferente, esta vez me gustaría que imaginaran una vida sin espejos para dejar de buscarse en ellos todo el rato, porque ni todos lo son, ni todo habla de quiénes son. Volcarse en la teoría del espejo se ha convertido también en un juego peligroso que nos ha hecho estar todo el tiempo afuera de nosotros reconociéndonos en cada persona con la que cruzamos antes que voltearnos a ver primero. 

Una vida sin espejos pide auto-observación, ver adentro para identificar las piezas que nos conforman y nos van armando en este juego de evolución ¿Qué pasaría si dejáramos de vaciarnos afuera sólo señalando en los demás lo que somos o no somos y comenzáramos a aceptar y celebrar en honestidad nuestra propia imagen? Quizás existiría menos juicio personal y más autovaloración. 

También existe el otro lado de la moneda, y es que eso que vemos de nosotros en los demás nos habla y nos da mucha información de quienes somos. Entonces, ¿somos lo que el reflejo nos muestra o sólo vemos una parte de nuestro juego: lo que sí nos gusta y lo que nos irrita? Si pensamos en esta posibilidad, podemos llevarlo incluso al ejercicio de vivir -literalmente- sin espejos, sin estos objetos que reproducen nuestra imagen y nos dejan ver cómo somos. Decían en el siglo XV, antes de que los espejos se introdujeran en el cotidiano, que si no existían era porque no eran necesarios y eran sólo recursos de la vanidad. Antes de los espejos, y pensando en una realidad en la que no existieran, la única manera de “verte” reflejado es a través del otro. El resto puede ver cómo eres y mas aún, quién eres. 

Me he puesto a pensar mucho en este tema sobre que si los espejos como objeto no existieran sólo nos reproduciríamos en la imagen que los demás nos muestran de nosotros: su reacción ante nuestra conducta, lo que significa vivir a nuestro lado o cómo nos movemos y actuamos, porque solamente nos veríamos a través de sus ojos. La razón profunda de vernos espejo humano-humano va más allá de identificar lo que sí o no nos gusta de nosotros, sino ver el impacto del ser humano que realmente somos. Es, digamos, un b-side de la teoría del espejo. 

Lo verdaderamente valioso de vernos en el espejo de los demás es notar qué dice ese reflejo, no lo que cada uno puede ver de sí mismo. Sí, todos tenemos una percepción de quiénes somos, pero la imagen que importa es la que los demás tienen de nosotros: qué es lo que estamos creando afuera, cuál es el impacto que somos en todos nuestros espacios, no porque esa sea LA verdad o sea necesaria esa validación para nosotros ser, sino porque la información que nos dan es un indicador importante que tenemos para actuar en consecuencia y evolucionar. 

Otro ejemplo es el caso de los pilotos. En su formación, a los pilotos les enseñan a no confiar en nada más que en su tablero y lo que tienen enfrente porque les da información de lo que deben hacer y hacia dónde dirigir el avión, pues si se fían sólo de lo que saben, de su cuerpo y sus propias herramientas, puede ser que ocurra un accidente porque no ven más allá. Lo mismo sucede con los espejos humanos, los demás nos informan con claridad lo que nosotros no alcanzamos a ver porque sólo confiamos en lo que nos dice la cabeza. La percepción que tiene el mundo sobre nosotros es mucho más importante de lo que creemos para crecer: la relación que tenemos con el feedback, las formas que usamos para vincularnos o el lenguaje que utilizamos ¿Es doloroso y se siente incómodo? Muchas veces, pero es parte de la vida; no olviden que si no crecen, se encogen. 

Finalmente, les invito a quitar los espejos de su casa y de su vida para hacer el ejercicio de aprender a vivir también a través de cómo los percibe la gente a su alrededor ¿Están dispuestos a ello?

Marta Ro. 

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